Should I mention wine was involved?

Anyway, once I’ve exhausted the friends, relatives, and auto-import of my GMail address book I decide that I want to friend someone cool, smart, and likely to be eating at the same restaurants I am. Sure, I’d never met him, but he seems pretty down to earth and I did take 1 day of my honeymoon to read his entire book, so that has to count for something, right?

Apparently, it does. This completely made my morning.

I get the privacy freaks who get too spooked about companies having too much info. I understand the idea of not wanting too much info in the hands of one company about your spending habits, web-surfing habits, what have you. While I certainly appreciate this, my general feelings are that when it comes to commerce, having so much data on you is almost as anonymizing as having none. With so much data you become no more than a statistical blip on a bottom line that no one really cares. Yes, you can be searched for, but you are also readily lost.

Besides, I figure if I’m going to have to sit through some form of advertisement I’d at least like them to have a chance of being something I might be interested in. Show me loving shots of a sexy new gadget instead of expounding on the virtues of a super absorbent diapers. Tell me about Michel Gondry’s latest movie instead of additional retirement benefits I may not be receiving. If you want me to know that it has wings, you’d better be talking about an airplane. It’s just common sense. It will just work out better for everyone that way.

I know that automated statistical data isn’t always right. Sometimes your Tivo thinks you’re gay or 7-year-olds get offers for gold cards. All in all though, I’ve always liked Amazon’s recommendations and the info they provide. It is helpful to know that 38% of the people who viewed an item bought something else. I like seeing that people in my area are into a particular book. In fact, if there is any problem I have it is that their recommendation engine is too good. I frequently find I have a page full or suggestions for stuff I already own.

Then there is this email.

I love Steve Martin. He’s clever, witty, dry, but with a great sense of heart. I’ve read all of his books and plays (and highly recommend The Zig-Zag Girl from this book). And while he certainly has a keen sense of understanding and insight into human behavior, I don’t quite get what he has to do with Public Services Inspection in the UK. Even if social workers in Britain love Steve for all of his quiet intellectualism wrapped in surreal and metaphorical dressings, I’m going to say they missed the mark.

I think maybe someone needs to tweak the algorithm just a little bit.

And by other guy, I mean the side of the bathtub.

I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling fine and dandy. Instead of the usual waking up slowly I tend to do, I hopped right out of bed and went into the bathroom. While in the bathroom I began to feel nauseated. I actually thought I might get sick. I was trying to think about the night before. Why would I feel sick now? Am I really sick or is this just some sort of psychosomatic, self-fulfilling concern?

The next thing I know I am waking up leaning against the bathtub. The first thought flickers through my synapses. “Was I so tired I took a nap in the bathroom?” I vaguely remember not feeling well and thinking that I must have tried to use the coolness of the tub to soothe my illness. I also realize my knee kind of hurts. Then I notice the toilet seat is up and not flushed. Then I remember I had just gone to the bathroom. Next it’s the realization my face hurts. What the hell?

Holy crap, I fainted.

I have never fainted in my life. Ever. If I did, I at least thought I’d realize it was happening. I always imagined it like the movies. Things fade away. You feel yourself fall. Things go black and smeary. Some indication that there was a problem afoot. Perhaps a voice telling you to put your trays in the full upright and locked position. Something. Anything.

That’s not how it is at all. Not even a little bit. One minute I was felling a bit woozy. The next I am waking up from a nap.

I reached up to flush the toilet and sat on the floor gathering my composure. I was now feeling feverish, clammy, and sweaty. That was probably panic as much as anything. The cool tile floor was helpful to keep everything at bay. I thought I should get up and head into the bedroom, but I now had absolutely no faith in my body’s ability to keep me upright.

I heard Emily and the kids moving around and past the bathroom door. Once I heard Em nearby and called her in – making sure to have her open the door slowly. I didn’t need to be smashed by the door as well. I told her that I thought I might have passed out and that my face hurt. She actually didn’t reply with, “Well, it’s killing me.” This is why I love her. She did try to piece it all together and let me know I had a cut on my cheek. She got me into bed and took great care of me.

After a day of ice and pain killers and taking it easy I was feeling OK. The swelling is much better today, but the right side of my face could still play the Marlon Brando part in a community theater production of The Godfather.

I really don’t know what caused all of this. My guess is that I jumped out of bed too quickly and then locked my knees while standing at the toilet. Like anyone, I’ve had a head rush when getting up from bed or a chair, but nothing that made me feel sick and nothing that led to fainting. Had this happened just randomly in the middle of the day I’d be much more concerned. Since it’s pretty obvious what the catalyst was, it’s not too difficult to dismiss it. Even as it is, though, each transition from sitting to standing is a little more disconcerting and tackled with much more care and deliberation than any before.

The really strange thing is how a silly little thing illustrates the tenuous lease we have on life. I’m not trying to be dramatic here. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me – aside from a hurting, squishy face. It’s just amazing how a normal and mundane morning can go from uneventful to surreal and potentially, literally scarring. You start to wonder what might have happened if you fell the other way and hit the sink. What might have happened had this occurred while driving?

We have such faith in our bodies. They are so resilient, so robust. Even if they aren’t the snazziest model ever, they are surprisingly adept at getting us through the life’s bumps and bruises without much thought. We really take for granted all the little things we do every day – like standing upright. We expect it and it seems so simple. It’s not simple at all. Everything must work perfectly or things will crash. All it takes is a split second glitch; a tiny hiccup in the gross motor skills we don’t even think about to smack that realization into you.

That and the tub.

It looks like I’ll be able to pick up my new car later today. If all goes well, I’ll be motoring before the sun goes down.

The problem is I’m trying to figure out what the first song to be played in the new Mini should be. Since I’ll have the iPod integration you know there will be a playlist with a variety of appropriate choices. Still, I need that #1 song.

I’ve been thinking about the good “road” songs I can think of (basically the non-California specific songs I used on my “Move West” playlist).

• Where the Streets Have No Name · U2
• Route 66/Behind the Wheel · Depeche Mode
• Drive · REM
• Drive My Car · The Beatles
• Long Line of Cars · Cake

Seeing as Basil is a British bloke, the Beatles seem pretty appropriate. There is also the theme song from Austin Powers. That would be fun.

Of course, I could just pop my recent favorite songs from Of Montreal, Mika, the Shins, and Modest Mouse. I worry they might not stand the test of time, though. Then again, they would always have an anchor to this place and time.

Decisions, decisions. You got any ideas?

Today we were doing some general kitchen organizing. A lot of things in the kitchen haven’t found a home since moving in a few years ago. Many glasses and serving dishes and bundt pans are tucked in corners where they were placed “temporarily” in 2003. Throw in 4 kids, a couple of Easy Bake ovens and more coffee mugs than a hipster poetry reading and you have the start of a great weekend project.

Emily did a great job getting the pantry and spices organized. I found some old watches, half a dozen lens cleaning cloths, a few Leatherman multi-tools, and a couple of phone books (I can’t remember the last time I saw one of those) stashed around. Still no sign of the Baby Alive bottle that really got this underway, but we were making progress on the area of our house that most needed it.

Until…

Behind the cleaning products, extra vases, and plastic grocery bags I unearthed the peeps’ secret lair. A week ago I didn’t know peeps could be a pest. Now I can recognize their lair on sight. We’ve come a long way. Apparently, they’ve been stealing bits of felt from the kids’ craft bins. Sure, it looks nice and cozy until you realized the whole area is covered peep droppings.

This cannot be sanitary and I’ve had it. Has anyone ever had a peep infestation before? How dangerous is it? How do I get rid of them? I was thinking of going to the hardware store and getting some mouse traps or glue strips or something. Do you think that would work?

I’m this close to just moving.

Once again, as is the theme of the past few posts, I was wrong.

This morning I was clearing up bagel crumbs on the counter and pulled out the toaster (I’m very thorough like that). While I expected to find some bagel crumbs and maybe some bit of cinnamon raisin toast residue from yesterday, I never EVER expected to find what I found.

Peep poop!

EGADS! I may never eat in our kitchen again.

Now, I’m starting to get concerned.

Tonight, when we returned home from a little league game and some dinner there were 2 peeps sitting right in the middle of the kitchen floor. Just sitting there. Boldly. Like they owned the place. Like they were the ones sending in the mortgage checks every month. Unbelievable.

Emily took off a shoe – flip-flop, actually – and went to town. She got one right away but the other hightailed it to between the refrigerator and the cabinets.

Where are these things coming from?! Has anyone ever heard of anything like this?

The funny thing is, as much as I’ve wanted to write about any ONE of those things, what actually got me typing was the most bizarre thing.

I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Not a regular occurrence, but given the amount of water I usually drink not unheard of. Using my patented and perfected ‘unhappy mole in the headlights‘ squint I turn on the lights. I’m working hard to let as little light as possible into my delicate pupils but I’m certain I see something scurry.

I don’t care what it is, but nothing good “scurries.” It just doesn’t.

My many years of man-training have taught me to quickly grab a wad of toilet paper and squish any bathroom trespassers. It’s instinctual. It doesn’t matter that I can’t see what I’m going for. I’m like a ninja with a wad of Charmin. I pounce and it oozes. Boy, does it ooze. A lot.

I’m still too blind to see much but I know that wasn’t a crunchy cockroach or a collapsing spider. No, this was bigger. Much bigger. And gooey. It had mass and density. I’m growing more and more certain that I’ve just squashed a mouse with 5 squares of 2-ply softness. Oh, god.

I’m finally adjusting to the light and I’m revising my animal classification. Slowly. There are no yellow rats I’m familiar with. Yeah, it’s not a mouse. I killed a peep.

There is something in the water.

This was ordered for my birthday 6 weeks ago by the best girlfriend ever and it finally arrived on Friday. That’s right, it’s an entire case of sauce from the most scrumptious BBQ joint on the planet. Apparently, they were completely out and the order was delayed while they made a fresh batch. I don’t care if it arrived more than a month after my birthday. It was SOOO worth the wait. The ribs I made today were to DIE for.

I’m already freaking out that I only have 15 bottles left now. Mabe it’s time to reorder?

Hello Aaron:

Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald’s. We appreciate your interest in our Shamrock Shake.

The Shamrock Shake is a “promotional” product offered for a limited time only. Since the decision to offer promotional products is made on a region by region basis, I have forwarded your comments to the McDonald’s regional office in your area for their consideration in deciding if they will offer the Shamrock Shakes to their customers next year.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald’s and sharing your comments with us. Hopefully, the Shamrock Shake will be offered at your local McDonald’s next year.

Tina
McDonald’s Customer Response Center

So, there you go. If you want to see shakes where you live next year, I guess you’d better start sending some feed back now.

For some reason, my thoughts turned to McDonald’s and their Shamrock Shakes. I haven’t had one of these in YEARS! Of course, since I never watch commercials I had no way to know if they had them or not. I thought they must, but to save a trip I looked online. There was no sight of them at the McDonald’s website. Ever since Supersize Me, though, their marketing has focused on the “healthy” aspects of their food and the benefits of exercise.

Yeah, whatever, clown. Give me a nuclear green shake and shut your fry hole.

So, if they won’t tell me about what they are ACTUALLY selling, I knew that Google would save me. A quick search for shamrock shake turns up this site. Bring Back the Shamrock Shake. WTF? According to this guy, they hadn’t made them in up to 10 years. Am I really that old? That’s crazy.

So, I dutifully clicked on the link to send some feedback to Ronald McDonald and I gave him a piece of my mind.

Bring back the shamrock shake!

I was about to get up and go to McDonald’s just to get one and a quick search on Google tells me you haven’t made them in years. What’s up with that? They were the best thing EVAR!

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to whip some up for this year, but maybe next year you could turn it around and everyone will be happier. I know I would be. And so would my friends.

Luck o’ the Irish to ya,

Aaron O’Hurley

OK, so my last name isn’t O’Hurley, but I thought if I mick’d it up a little with an extra O’ I might garner more sympathy.

Not long after sending off my note of concern I see ANOTHER page on the same site saying that Shamrock Shakes have been spotted at McDonald’s in various parts of the country. Well, now there’s a mission. A chance. I don’t care if I end up driving to Ohio, I’m going to get a sweet sweet minty shake. I will not be denied.

Turns out, I wasn’t. 2 miles down the road at the closest McDonald’s I could find, they had them right there on the menu board. They didn’t have any big posters or anything on the building. They reserved those for the selling their Apple Walnut Salad. (Come on. Who do they think they are kidding?) You can click on the photo below to see the whole adventure. It may not have been as difficult as originally envisioned, still, it was so thick, and frothy, and just so shamrocky.

They are so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

As you may know I’ve been ridiculously busy lately.  Aside from all the work things, I’ve been rehearsing for a play since Thanksgiving.  It’s come along quite nicely and we opened last weekend to much larger than expected crowds and a great audience response.   My understanding is we’ve almost sold out Saturday’s performance this week, too.   People really do seem to love The Lion in Winter.

If you’re in the Boston area this weekend or next, stop by America’s oldest community theater, The Footlight Club, and check it out.  It’s great fun and I get to play a bad guy.  What’s not to like about that?

If you can’t make it, at least click on the link below to watch me pimp my show on this week’s DriveTime. 

I’m sure that many other more-hardened Bostonians are jeering the early winter wonderland but I’m most ecstatic. I know there will be much more of this sort of thing to come, but a pre-Halloween snow fall is quite a contrast to the years I spent picking out costumes that wouldn’t be too hot in the muggy Florida nights.

Besides, cold weather means more sweaters and more baking. Who can argue with that?

Just taking a quick minute to send along holiday wishes from my dad’s house in Florida to all of you and yours wherever you may be.

The travels to Memphis, California and Florida in the last couple of weeks have meant that consistent internet access has been a challenge. I do vow to spend more time spewing forth here in the future so don’t delete your bloglines subscriptions just yet. I’ve got lots of fun stories about man bags and lost luggage, gift cards and holiday celebrations.

More bon mots to come…

I was busy before last week started but, in the interest of seeing if the candle has more than just 2 ends to burn, I decided to take on 2 new projects last Tuesday evening. Both were smallish and should have easily been completed before Saturday. Of course, both projects have now become bigger, more involved, complicated and just will not die!

The first was to make a simple 3 minute football video highlight package for my neighbor, Vanderbilt University, to show potential recruits how wonderful and hard hitting 2 win football team can be. Seems easy enough. But as these things tend to do, the ideas changed, more people got involved and it just got out of control. It’s now an effects filled extravaganza with hundreds of edits distilling about 100 hours of football into 181 seconds. If all goes well, I’ll be delivering the final DVDs this afternoon.

The other was a far more boring HTML image search application. At least it was. It’s now become a full fledged fuzzy-logic search engine for multiple databases (including ones that are decades old and malformed) that also happens to displays pictures.

At least I’m getting paid by the hour.

As you can see, I didn’t leave for Nashville yesterday but I will today. I swear. For now, I’m catching up on my bloglines (which I HIGHLY recommend) at Otherlands and I came across this article on Wired which comforted me. It’s nice to know you’re not alone.