but…uh…

OK, I know my blogging frequency has approached zero over the last few months. Sorry about that. I really am. I’ve actually had a number of things lately that I thoroughly intended to make blog posts. My 1 year anniversary party, ordering my new car, a love affair with Of Montreal and the The Shins’ new album. I’m probably even forgetting things.

The funny thing is, as much as I’ve wanted to write about any ONE of those things, what actually got me typing was the most bizarre thing.

I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Not a regular occurrence, but given the amount of water I usually drink not unheard of. Using my patented and perfected ‘unhappy mole in the headlights‘ squint I turn on the lights. I’m working hard to let as little light as possible into my delicate pupils but I’m certain I see something scurry.

I don’t care what it is, but nothing good “scurries.” It just doesn’t.

My many years of man-training have taught me to quickly grab a wad of toilet paper and squish any bathroom trespassers. It’s instinctual. It doesn’t matter that I can’t see what I’m going for. I’m like a ninja with a wad of Charmin. I pounce and it oozes. Boy, does it ooze. A lot.

I’m still too blind to see much but I know that wasn’t a crunchy cockroach or a collapsing spider. No, this was bigger. Much bigger. And gooey. It had mass and density. I’m growing more and more certain that I’ve just squashed a mouse with 5 squares of 2-ply softness. Oh, god.

I’m finally adjusting to the light and I’m revising my animal classification. Slowly. There are no yellow rats I’m familiar with. Yeah, it’s not a mouse. I killed a peep.

There is something in the water.

Somehow, I made it to my 35th year without ever having carved a pumpkin.

I’m not exactly sure how that is. I haven’t actively avoided it. I’ve seen people carving around me. Last year I even saw a million pumpkins being carved at the Boston common. When my band did Halloween shows, I remember Jason carving pumpkins. Yet, for some reason, I was never around to pick up a knife. I don’t know why that is.

Since Emily is a huge fan of Halloween, this year would be different. After a trip to the pumpkin patch a couple of weeks ago, everyone was going to be carving some faces. Now, what kind of pumpkin should I do? I thought about a pirate. Or maybe something computer related. Is it web 2.0 if it has rounded corners and spelled like Pumpkn? Decisions, decisions. Then, as fate would have it, I saw these instructions appear in my RSS feeds. Perfect.

Who cares that I’d never carved a pumpkin before? What does it matter that aside from some smelly clay during a game of Cranium I have no sculpting experience whatsoever? Who needs talent when you’ve got enthusiasm? This wouldn’t be the first time I bit off more than I could chew.

First things first. I needed an inspiration and this picture was it. Emily had sent me this picture from her camera phone a couple of years ago and I always liked it. It was super silly, but awfully cute. I was sure that carved into a pumpkin it could be pretty scary, too.

Working from a printout of the image, I removed the brightest portions of the image.

Unlike a normal jack-o-lantern. You’ve got to carve your gourd in a dark room with a light inside the pumpkin. You aren’t carving like a normal sculpture. To make items lighter, you have to carve away the pumpkin. To make them darker, you leave them thick. This often leads to things being inverted. Stuff that should stick out is going back in, etc. But not always. It’s really a bit of peculiar optical illusion and a little tricky at first. In fact, I wasn’t sure it was going well at all until I saw this photo as I was carving. It looked way better in the image than it did in person.

The fact that it looked so good in the camera led to the brilliant idea of carving with one eye closed to see the image in 2D. I could then focus on the contrast without worrying about depth.

It really didn’t take as long as I might have thought. A couple of hours all told. Initially, I was trying to keep the subject of my carving a surprise. It was quite funny when the kids would ask me what I was making. “Is it a witch?” “It looks like a monster.” All I could reply was, “Sometimes….”

The final product is far from perfect, but I think you can definitely see the likeness. I’d like to try again next year, but I’d choose my photo differently. This image has a lot of fine detail in the areas where her nose is scrunched up. That area is really key to making it recognizable and was extremely difficult to get right. In fact, I don’t think that I did. The areas between light and dark were so thin that it became a bit of a mishmash. Coupled with the somewhat unusual expression, even things that are intentional can look somewhat like a mistake.

Emily-O-Lantern joins the others in the front window.

I have to say, the best moment was as soon as I put the pumpkin in the window trick-or-treaters walking by started noticing and taking pictures. They were talking to each other. “Look at that face!” “I wonder who it is.” “Do you still have your camera?” I certainly wasn’t prepared for that, but I have to admit it kind of made the whole thing worth while.

Happy Halloween!

This was ordered for my birthday 6 weeks ago by the best girlfriend ever and it finally arrived on Friday. That’s right, it’s an entire case of sauce from the most scrumptious BBQ joint on the planet. Apparently, they were completely out and the order was delayed while they made a fresh batch. I don’t care if it arrived more than a month after my birthday. It was SOOO worth the wait. The ribs I made today were to DIE for.

I’m already freaking out that I only have 15 bottles left now. Mabe it’s time to reorder?

I like all kinds of peanut butter. Crunchy. Creamy. Healthy. Hazelnutty. Whatever.

However, at the core of my being, I’m a crunchy man. I like the texture, the solid *crack* of crunchy peanut butter. It turns out, finding real crunchy peanut butter is becoming impossible. This wonderful food has become another victim in the ultra-ization of America.

Apparently, people weren’t happy with just “crunchy.” Oh no. Judging by what’s on my local grocer’s shelf, people either want creamy or a jar of peanuts with some creamy mixed in. There is “ultra crunchy.” “Super crunchy.” “Mega crunchy.” “Extra crunchy.” What about crunchy? What about the middle path…just like Buddha recommended? Why is it so either or?

Can’t I just have some crunchy peanut butter?

(and yes, with this post, I am officially an old man)

So, there’s this meme going around where people interview you and what not. I saw it on Emily’s blog and she “interviewed” me by sending the following questions. If you want me to ask you some questions, look at the bottom of this post. Without further ado…

1. What did you want to be when you grew up when you were six?
Hmm…I’m not sure what I wanted to be at 6. I know that by 8 I had it all worked out. I wanted to be an actor. I remember going on a field trip in 3rd grade to a children’s theater production of Alice in Wonderland. I realized that if those kids were on stage they must be missing school, too. That seemed awfully fun so I looked into it. Turns out, I rather loved it and went on to appear in numerous plays over the years.

I was very serious about my craft. How serious? My uncle had a store that made t-shirts with custom iron on letters and I had a yellow one with glittery rainbow letters that said Hollywood Hurley. Yeah, I was hardcore.

2. Let’s hear about YOUR greatest weakness.
My perfectionism.

I really struggled with this one. I’ve got lots of weaknesses and trying to pick the greatest one is a challenge. I’d thought about procrastination. That’s good. Yeah, but everyone procrastinates. Maybe my hyperfocussing to the exclusion of everything else. Meh. That’s kind of boring. Perhaps it would be better if I talked about my distractibility. ADD is always popular.

Then it hit me. I was having such a hard time deciding because it was so important to find the exact right answer. It had to be “perfect.” Of course, nothing can ever be perfect. So I spend a lot of time procrastinating, hyperfocussing, and distracted because I’m trying to find a perfect answer that doesn’t exist. Rather than just going with something “good enough” for now, I’ll end up paralyzed to inaction looking for something better.

Yup, that’s it. The perfect answer.

3. Describe the soundtrack to a movie about a typical day as Aaron.
I have no clue. At all. None. What the hell does this even mean? Am I picking songs or just a genre? Should I talk about the crap I do and what I LIKE to listen to or what would make it more interesting on the screen? Who writes these questions? What kind of interviewer ARE you? Let me see your press pass again.

4. What are your three most random talents and how do you make them work for you?
A. I know where everything is. Everything. Even stuff that isn’t mine. If I’ve seen it, even with my peripherals, it’s stored away in the vault. Nary a girlfriend has been disappointed by this. I frequently find myself amazed by the fact that I know some random object is hiding in the drawer of the nightstand under the magazine behind that blue book.

B. I can compose gibberish lyrics on the fly. I’m like the Wayne Brady of the my iPod. Who really needs to know the words to songs when you can come up with some sort of ridiculous facsimile instead? Not me.

C. I have a highly evolved sense of spatial perception, probably brought on by years of playing Tetris. When it comes to packing a trunk, there is none better.

5. Where do you see yourself in five years?
I figure I’ll be settling down in northern California, taking my food pellets in my flying car on the way to the dot com where I made my millions but cashed out before the crash. On the weekends, I’ll work on restoring my jet pack in the garage of a craftsman style house on a leafy street with friendly neighbors. I’ll have trouble finding a regular poker game because people stop inviting me after I repeatedly run over the table. During the summer, I’ll spend some time travelling with the Mrs. to nearby planets (but the kids can only go on the terrestrial expeditions until they are 16).

Yeah. Seems like a pretty good life to me.

THE GUIDELINES:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Check out this new commercial for Coca-Cola. Yes, that’s Jack White (of the how-appropriate-for-Coke-colored “White Stripes”) doing the jingle.

More impressive is the video. It’s directed by Nagi Nadi. She does these incredible art installations with multiple people and also directed this music video with a similar technique. In many ways it reminds me of Michel Gondry and his use of practical effects to achieve results similar, but more tangible somehow, than digital effects. Just magnificent.

How long has it been since there was a cool Coke commercial anyway?

If you’ve been seen my quest for Shamrock Shakes, you may be interested in an update from McDonald’s on why they can be hard to find in different parts of the country.

Hello Aaron:

Thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald’s. We appreciate your interest in our Shamrock Shake.

The Shamrock Shake is a “promotional” product offered for a limited time only. Since the decision to offer promotional products is made on a region by region basis, I have forwarded your comments to the McDonald’s regional office in your area for their consideration in deciding if they will offer the Shamrock Shakes to their customers next year.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact McDonald’s and sharing your comments with us. Hopefully, the Shamrock Shake will be offered at your local McDonald’s next year.

Tina
McDonald’s Customer Response Center

So, there you go. If you want to see shakes where you live next year, I guess you’d better start sending some feed back now.

So, I just realized that St. Patrick’s Day is on Friday. When did that happen?

For some reason, my thoughts turned to McDonald’s and their Shamrock Shakes. I haven’t had one of these in YEARS! Of course, since I never watch commercials I had no way to know if they had them or not. I thought they must, but to save a trip I looked online. There was no sight of them at the McDonald’s website. Ever since Supersize Me, though, their marketing has focused on the “healthy” aspects of their food and the benefits of exercise.

Yeah, whatever, clown. Give me a nuclear green shake and shut your fry hole.

So, if they won’t tell me about what they are ACTUALLY selling, I knew that Google would save me. A quick search for shamrock shake turns up this site. Bring Back the Shamrock Shake. WTF? According to this guy, they hadn’t made them in up to 10 years. Am I really that old? That’s crazy.

So, I dutifully clicked on the link to send some feedback to Ronald McDonald and I gave him a piece of my mind.

Bring back the shamrock shake!

I was about to get up and go to McDonald’s just to get one and a quick search on Google tells me you haven’t made them in years. What’s up with that? They were the best thing EVAR!

I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to whip some up for this year, but maybe next year you could turn it around and everyone will be happier. I know I would be. And so would my friends.

Luck o’ the Irish to ya,

Aaron O’Hurley

OK, so my last name isn’t O’Hurley, but I thought if I mick’d it up a little with an extra O’ I might garner more sympathy.

Not long after sending off my note of concern I see ANOTHER page on the same site saying that Shamrock Shakes have been spotted at McDonald’s in various parts of the country. Well, now there’s a mission. A chance. I don’t care if I end up driving to Ohio, I’m going to get a sweet sweet minty shake. I will not be denied.

Turns out, I wasn’t. 2 miles down the road at the closest McDonald’s I could find, they had them right there on the menu board. They didn’t have any big posters or anything on the building. They reserved those for the selling their Apple Walnut Salad. (Come on. Who do they think they are kidding?) You can click on the photo below to see the whole adventure. It may not have been as difficult as originally envisioned, still, it was so thick, and frothy, and just so shamrocky.

They are so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.